falling off the face of the earth: matt wertz

sighhhh....
everyday is a different story...
i dont even know. today was april fool's tho, it was pretty jokes...
i'll elaborate on my xanga.
but anyway, the past couple of days have been pretty... weird
and in weird i mean like....
things are always different and constantly changing, like i dont even know what's going on
in fact, i dont even know what im talking about, i just have so much...
i dont know... so much on my mind

i feel sorta frustrated.... like i dont know what's going on
why is stuff like that happening
i was reading a blog the other day, and im feelin the same way, sorta
it's like you're lonely in a crowd.
you're among a crowd but still feel alone at the same time

i dont know, i look at myself, and im like.. what the crap... how the hell am i 20?
i feel like im 17 or something. not a care in the world...
i miss those days
but like.. now, it's like life is .... stressful, im not saying i hate life, cause i dont.
it's pretty goood, im just not feeling great at the moment
but like.... school's tough... at the same time im not putting much into it, but at the SAME TIME, i just dont want to, there's a mountain of work to climb, and i just dont even wanna try.

i also hate how in class, it just seems like everyone is years and miles smarter than me. like everyone just seems to always know what to do, everyone seems to know all the answers, everyone seems to be following along just fine, but like, im the only one who just doesnt get it..
but like i honestly feel so fake, i pretend like i know what's going on.. i pretend i understand, but i really have no idea... and i honestly just feel like a dumbass. i feel so incompetent, and like i dont feel like i belong in university, but moreso, i dont feel like i belong in business sometimes, and i just keep saying to myself, ohh, i'll get thru.. it'll be ok, i'll come to enjoy it in time.... but like... i barely squeeze thru... i make it out by a hair, and i still dont enjoy it taht much.
it's just a really crappy feeling, hiding how dumb you are, and that everyone is way outta my league... in a way, i sorta feel lost... like... i;m running aimlessly, in fact, im not even putting any effort in school, so im proly not even running, im probably jogging, or better yet, walking....

anyway, i think that's all im gonna put for now....
im just feeling really crummy right now... and that isnt helping...